And the sound of that laughter made everything still.
I watched it float in the air as it flew across the curtains and made them still.
I watched it float in the air as it entered my heart and made it still.

Oh how you made me still.

Oh how you made me forget to breathe for a moment, just so I could hear that laughter.
Sending shivers down my spine.
I didn’t want my heavy breathing overshadowing that sweet sweet melody.
I wanted to catch every note and play it over and over again in my head whenever I feel blue.
I want it to color me in the shades of red that filled my cheeks the first time I heard it.

It would wipe my face from all the worries and be baffled by its pureness and beauty.
The serenity it creates in the room.
The integrity it creates in all the people around.

And then maybe, just maybe they’d figure out who you really are.
An Angel sent from the Heavens.



I take my mask off and place it beside the ash tray.
And I play out my wounds.
I let them shine in the sad melodies that easily seep from these fingers once I touch those piano keys.
I let my broken heart loose for a while to dance around my fingers as I play.

And I see you in my teardrops staring back at me.
Walking away from me.
Running away from me.

I play a little faster in hopes that I might catch you.


Silly me.

You were nothing but an illusion.
So I slow my pace as I continue my sad symphony of a creature that did not exist.
Of a creature my mind made up.
Of a creature my loneliness composed.
A creature that stole my broken heart the minute I let it loose on those piano keys.



Who’s gonna believe you when you say, you’ve seen the angels and made them stay?
Who’s gonna believe you when you say, you went to heaven’s gate and snuck a peek at the prettiest angel?

I can see your empty glass heart
let me pour my love into it.
I’ll get you drunk till you no longer feel your pain.
I would play you in every symphony I create.
I would feel you in my finger tips as i play.
I would fight the urge to touch you and feel your skin and scars.
I would fight the urge to grab you and hold you so close to me that our breaths become as one.
I’ll breathe you in
you’ll breathe me in
and i would never breathe you out.

I would fight them all in my symphonies made of you.
Name every key on my piano after every part of you.
Speak to you through my symphonies.
Create melodies only you would understand.

don’t you know that you’re the greatest work of art?
don’t you know that the word art derived from you?
don’t you know my heart is aching for you?
Aching to paint you the same way you paint yourself in my dreams every day and night.
Aching to feel your warmth against me.

Lucky isn’t enough to feel when i’ll get to have you
-and I will have you.-
Cause love,
luck has nothing to do with this.
You are a blessing from the heavens.
Blessed to be your other half.
Blessed to know of your mere existence in this harsh world.

And now who’s gonna believe me when i say,
i’ve seen an angel but it slipped away?

revealing (for you)


jayofarc, my life in metaphors.


She revealed inspiration 

In colors black and blue
She did it
With a mess only she can make beautiful
Throw in a hurricane
You’ll have what I call “my mine’s effect” 
You’ll fight her 
She’s exhausting 
But what good is comfort when it numbs every vein in your body? 
Let me be exhausted. 
Let me feel her mess.
Let me read words I see in eyes that had  never before spoken. 
Hear them speak
In a language known only to me 
They’ll reveal a secret she never even knew she harboured.
I remembered when she told me I’m a calming presence. 
I think she liked saying it
I bet she meant it too
I hated that word 
Calm is final 
Finality is numbness 
To be numb is to be a body without a soul
And she 
She is my soul revealed in a wrapping so beautiful it cannot be human flesh. 

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Lets Play Pretend

Lets pretend my knees don’t fall weak when I’m in front of you.
And lets pretend that I haven’t fallen 20 times in my head.

Lets pretend that I haven’t memorized every color thats in your eyes.
And lets pretend that every time I close my eyes, I don’t find them staring back at mine.

Lets pretend that you meant every word you said, when you said you loved me.
And lets pretend I believed you.

Lets pretend that I don’t create different scenarios in my head before I sleep.
And lets pretend you’re not in every one of them.

Lets pretend I find comfort in this empty room full of shadows.
And lets pretend I haven’t named every one of them.

Lets pretend that this cigarette I’m holding makes me feel calm.
And lets pretend I’m not slowly killing myself.

Lets pretend that the friends we have are the ones that will last.
And lets pretend they’re not stabbing us.

Cause after all, all we do is play pretend.


Broken Hearted

We hear it in the quite songs.
We hear it in the uneven breaths.
The sound of a heart breaking.

I can see it in her eyes,
her broken words,
unspoken but its there.
She needs those arms,
the arms of protection,
the arms of safety to hold her and comfort her.

She looks but can’t see a thing from the tears that fill her eyes.
Her eyesight so blurry that she keeps falling down.
Wishing those hands,
those warm soft hands would reach down on her to pick her up.

She knows she can stand again.
She knows she can lift her head up high but needs that certain pull to the right path.
Not the devils pull but an angel’s.
To regain the strength to walk on this road full of shattered glass and grenades that go off every minute.

She’ll get blisters on her feet but she knows its all worth it in the end.
She knows nothing comes easy
cause its “easy come easy go”,
But what she doesn’t know is that her hero is caged inside of her.
Right next to her broken heart.
She doesn’t know how to let it out cause she doesn’t believe in it.
The pain she feels is greater than that corner of strength,
It casted its shadows upon it.

I just hope some one shows her how to release that hero before she releases the wrong corner,
her inner demon.


Empty seats all around me
as I walk between them, a letter catches my eye.
Reaching out to a familiar hand writing, it somehow filled those seats with familiar faces.
My heart paces as I think no more empty spaces.
All the ones that had left came back.
Brighter roads reappear and are filled with tracks
showing me where peace is at
leading me to the right path.

I can see as I start to walk.
I can feel as I start to jog.
I can taste as I start to run.

Freedom awaits me.

Love, peace and hope are all there waiting to be moved from their dusty places.
Waiting for me to catch them and wear them on my face
wiping out every scar every wound every sorrow that possessed every inch of my body.
Wiping it out till it shines,
till it defines them,
till my body screams pureness, happiness and integrity.
Till it shows those scars and wounds that there is no place for them there.